REBT and You

They say always write about what you know...one of my "hobbies" which I'm getting back into is 'public speaking'...one of the biggest fears which amazingly beats fear of death is the fear of public speaking!

Fear of public speaking affects people in many ways.

Some people I saw were so afraid of public speaking that it affected their lives; they didn't apply for better jobs because the position involved speaking to groups.

Others do get up and speak but their fear makes them less than effective communicators. The result is all too common - trembling, speaking too fast and too softly, memory vanishing making them appear disorganized or silly. Often speakers will then over-prepare or read from script making their talk less natural, less relaxed.

The method I was taught to gain confidence and relax was REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy), basically REBT looks at the fundamental cause of your speaking anxiety, essentially what you are saying to yourself.

Now common-sense would have you believe that in public speaking that the following self-talk is what you need to say, such as; "I've got to be entertaining. It would be horrible to be boring." or "I must come accross as credible." or "I must not make any mistakes."

Now many people are aware of this self-talk and resort to "positive thinking". They say something positive to themselves such as, "I am a entertaining speaker."

But there is a fundamental problem with this kind of reasoning.

Deep down in their hearts they may not believe this. Because if it were true, why try so hard to convince yourself otherwise.

REBT teaches you to recognize and then counter or dispute the beliefs that lead to the way you talk to yourself.

So, for example, if you're saying to yourself that you must not make any mistakes, REBT would have you look at that statement and see if it's supported by any evidence.

Now where I used to work there was an account manager who believed that she could not make any mistakes in front of clients. As a result she felt more pressured and actually made more mistakes that she was trying to avoid. When she spoke, she would get choked up, she would lose her memory, she even suffered from head-aches!!

When analyzing the truth of her statement, I discovered that many of our co-workers had made mistakes during their presentations in front of stakeholders, but that it didn't result in anyone getting fired or reprimanded. So here was evidence that COUNTERED her self-talk. The statement that she must not make any mistakes was clearly untrue.

As a result she came to the conclusion that she would like to give error free presentations but that it was silly and unhelpful to DEMAND that she make no mistakes.

When it came to her next presentation instead of trying to be simply positive and convince herself of something was untrue, ("I can speak without making mistakes."), she simply reminded herself that she didn't have to be perfect. She later told me that her nervousness went down significantly and that her presentation was not only well received but her manager even noticed the difference!

So, next time you get nervous giving a presentation, check what you are saying to yourself. Is there evidence to support it? If not, stop kidding yourself and making things more difficult.

I really believe REBT can not only help in public speaking but in different areas of our lives.